A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
