I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
