why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Randomize
