Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
