After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
