Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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