everyone is single if you try hard enough
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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