I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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