i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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