Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
