I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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