What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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