What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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