She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Randomize
