my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
