My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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