ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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