yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
im on a boat
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