I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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