I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
