so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
