When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
