i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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