I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
one might say we're banned from that church
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
