so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
