apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
