Why are handjobs necessary in class?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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