Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
