Your face is a jimmy john
I got chris browned last night
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
