there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
