Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
