I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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