so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
