the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
