there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
