Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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