From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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