when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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