Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
