Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Reggie can tackle my bush.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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