we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
