what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
