I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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