i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
