Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
