Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
