i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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