I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
