Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
