...so i touched it.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
