Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
