I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
