This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
