What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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