fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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