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• (407): View more from Florida

  you definitely have a few illegitimate kids

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters

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• (310): View more from California

  I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...

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• (714): View more from California

  Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Who wants vodka and apple sauce

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover

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• (509): View more from Washington

  btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...

  (480): View more from Arizona

  gifts from me to you. you're welcome.

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....

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• (585): View more from New York

  You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....

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