So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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