he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
