...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
