omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
