I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
