I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
