I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
