At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My balls are so social today.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
