I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
