He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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