you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
