dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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