My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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