This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
