We're facebook friends in real life
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
my liver is dry heaving
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