coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize