I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
