i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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