Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
