I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
