I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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