Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
