you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
