So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
