Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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