nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
