now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
