did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
