their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
