Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
