they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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