You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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