Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
