I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
