Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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