So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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