Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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