In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
