Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
