I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
