im drinking this country out of the recession.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
