I love black thongs
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
