i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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