haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
