I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
