one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
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